Black Does Crack

There’s this saying in the Black community, “Black people don’t go to counseling”. There’s this.. idea, that we are to suffer through anything and just “get over it”. But for some of us, it isn’t that simple.

It’s been awhile, months. So, for those of you that are new to my blog let me introduce myself. My name is Jasmine. I’m a Black girl from the South. And I was taught, “life happens, move on.” But what happens when we can’t just move on? I’m here willing and able to have this open discussion about mental health and upbringing in the Black community. How those things shape our lives and how we can work to break the cycle. It is my hope that by sharing my journey I can give and receive help. So let’s get to it.

There’s a piece I wrote that I’d like to share first. “How’d I get these shoes? There was no store. I never got to choose. How do they fit so well? Not causing my feet to cramp or swell? Who said I liked this style? They don’t even make me smile. But I have these shoes. That I didn’t get to choose. And I have to wear them. In any weather. If I had a choice, I would’ve chosen better.”

There are things in life that we just don’t get to choose but they still shape who we become. Family, our upbringing, where we grow up, and how we are born to name a few. All of these are things that we have absolutely no control over but they are shoes we must wear.

I’ll make this post shorter since it is an intro to my mental health Monday’s. For now we’ll talk about family dynamics and how they shape our mental. This, outside of race, is literally the first pair of shoes that we wear. So many times our families as a whole suffer from mental health issues but are in denial. Because we are a resilient people, we tend to think that we are not in need of help. Being Black is almost a traumatic experience in itself. Then you add on the stresses of the world and you’ve honestly got yourself a mess. I am not suggesting nor do I believe that every Black person suffers from a mental illness. But what I am saying is that when that thing is present it is often overlooked.

I can only speak from my perspective and my life experiences. One thing we were taught was to love everyone no matter what they’ve done to you. I mean, I get it, the Bible says forgiveness is for you. But what I don’t agree with and something that I am struggling to understand even as an adult is, why are children taught to love their abusers? Why is it okay to sweep things under the rug so often? Forgive and forget? Why are we not taught the correct way to handle toxic people? And why are we ridiculed when we can not find it in ourselves to forgive others for what THEY did wrong?

There’s this slave mentality that you have to love the master. That you have to accept these behaviors as the norm and chalk it up to them just “being human”. But when you are being human and are suffering from others human actions, you are wrong. But because hurt people, hurt people, I get it. I mean I understand. Because you can’t teach someone who was taught not to be empathetic to rationalize with the logic of  “Hey! I’m hurting.”

I have so much to say. But I’ll stop here. Family plays a vital part in the mental health of an individual. Someone’s family dynamic can literally make or break them. And more often than not, we are walking around broken.

So on to my blog title, Black does crack. Everything does with too much pressure. But pressure somehow, makes the most beautiful things. So, don’t always try to glue yourself together when you come unglued. For your own sake, just be. Talk with you guys next week!

There is a crack in everything, that’s how the light gets in. - Leonard Cohen