Calvary

This time last year I was in the lowest place that I had ever been in, in my entire life. After a string of unfortunate events, I found myself battling both depression and anxiety. I didn't know where I could turn. Talking wasn't helping, the medications weren't helping, nor was anything else I could think up. I honestly felt like I was at the end of my life. Then a few days before Easter something in my spirit told me to watch "The Passion of the Christ". 

At first, I refused to listen to that spirit telling me got do this. My thing was this, I'd seen this movie when it came out years ago and it couldn't mean anything more than it did when I was 12. So, I stuck with that. 

But it kept bothering me day after day until one day I sat out on a search for the movie. I went to a few different stores and I almost gave up because I was having absolutely no luck. However, the last store I went in had maybe three copies left so I grabbed my copy and went home.

Once I got home I prayed and I asked God to reveal to me whatever it was that I had been missing for all of these years. I asked him to open my eyes, ears, heart, and mind to what he had for me. I also asked that I be a willing vessel throughout the movie. I closed by simply asking him to have HIS way. 

So, if you know the word or you've seen the movie this will simply be a recap. But I will be detailed for those that may not know. However, I will be pointing out key points that God used as revelation for me! I will also use scriptural references so that there is no confusion about what is written in God's word. Here we go. 

First, the movie focuses on the last 12 hours of Jesus' life. Last 12. The number 12 was made significant to me for this reason, whenever you have reached the number 12 it is perfect in the word. I used to always wonder why Jesus had 12 disciples and while watching the movie God showed me the many things in which 12 meant something. The 12 months in a year, a dozen of something, rehabilitation programs, grade school education. The list went on, some things were deeper than others but they all spoke to me.

Second, Peter and Judas. These two taught me that no matter how much you think someone is for you, they can surely be against you. Jesus even told BOTH of them that they would betray him. He first told Judas (Matthew 26). Judas agreed to deliver Jesus for 30 pieces of silver, and then acted as if Jesus was crazy at the last supper when he told him he'd betray him. Then there was Peter whom Jesus told he would deny him three times before he was to be killed (Luke 22). Peter INSISTED that he'd go with Jesus even unto death. Tuh! While witnessing this, I became angry! I cried and I yelled. I yelled how Peter and Judas didn't have to do Jesus that way then God showed me myself. I became ashamed of how I've done Jesus, I quickly got my mouth off of Peter and Judas, and I bawled. 

Third, Pontius Pilate and the "HATERS". And yes, I called them haters. Although Pilate found no fault in Jesus he was too afraid of what people would do so he let the haters decide Jesus' fate (Matthew 27). God used Pilate to show me that we can't be so afraid of what others will do to us. He revealed to me that sometimes the decisions I made in my life were merely because I was afraid of man. Rather than trusting in him we often times put our fear of man in place of him. On to the haters. These people who knew nothing about Jesus but the GOOD that he did for people wanted him to die. They chose a murderer to go free and an innocent man to die. Like, to think that some of these people who now hate him soooo much now may have been those ready to receive his good works just blows my mind. But I digress. Nevertheless it taught me that in this life you will have haters. One minute people will be with you and the next they will spit on you, keep living anyway.

Last, Calvary. This is the part of the movie were I shed the most amount of tears I think I have ever shed in one sitting in my entire life. I won't rewrite the details because then I won't finish this post. If you would like to know read Matthew 27 in its entirety.  This is where the number three became significant to me. They nailed him to the cross in three places, there were three men on Calvary that day, there were three hours of darkness during his suffering, and his last three words were "it is finished." The number three in the bible can be referenced as a number of completion. God brought back to my memory things in my life that happened in three's and it almost blew my mind but also it humbled me. 

The Calvary scene also shook me for other reasons. Jesus simply could've gotten down from the cross if he wanted to but he didn't. Even in the midst of him being tormented and mocked he asked his father to forgive those who were mistreating him (Luke 23:34), that made me think. I was holding on to so many things and being unforgiving towards people I had encountered in my life. I didn't know how to forgive until I saw a visual representation of Jesus' forgiveness towards people who were persecuting him. I thought, wow. If a dying man can forgive his killers why can't I simply forgive someone that has hurt my feelings. 

When he gave up the ghost, hung his head and died, God showed me just how loved I really am. I say this in a lot of my posts and I tell everyone all the time, HE THOUGHT I WAS TO DIE FOR!!! You guys have no idea what that did for my fragile heart, I began to feel again. Not only did he die for me, he got up!!! On the third day he rose with all power in his hand! Love still surpassing my comprehension, love still unfailing, love still the sweetest exchange for my sins. I won't ever know how much it cost but I'll forever be grateful. Calvary showed me that no matter life throws and no matter how many mistakes I make, "it is finished."

"These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world." - John 16:33

Have a blessed and life changing Resurrection Sunday! God bless.